


Just a bunch of Kylo drabbles

by AzuraKenway



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 14:48:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 14,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzuraKenway/pseuds/AzuraKenway
Summary: a collection of drabbles I have written for Kylo (can also be found on my tumblr: https://azurakenway.tumblr.com)





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you seeing someone else?” The words were jealousy induced as Kylo’s hands played with the hem of your top.

You shrugged. “What makes you ask?”

“This.” He then pushed up the fabric, revealing the purple blooms across your hips, faded but not yet dissolved. 

“Maybe I am.” You sighed, hoping to the stars that the Supreme Leader wouldn’t erupt. “I’m allowed to, Kylo. We’re not exclusive, right?”

“Right.” He nodded, teetering upon the thought of whether he should stand his ground or back off. You were good to him, but he was nowhere near ready for any type of relationship, and he valued your friendship above all else. “Who is it?”

“Doesn’t matter.” You mumbled against his lips, moving to sit on his lap.

“Does he treat you right?” Kylo asked into your open mouth. You halted all movement, rolling your eyes.

“Yes. Now are we going to spend all evening talking about my other lovers, or are you going to let me pleasure you?”

Kylo huffed, his full lips curving into a smile. “Pleasure is subjective. You might find that I’m most pleased about discussing the other men in your life.”

“You’re not jealous?” 

“A little.”

“Then stop trying to feed your jealousy and instead feast on me.” You demanded, stripping your top off. Kylo managed to be left breathless every time he was treated to your naked body.

His mouth obliged to your open invitation, delving down to lick over your nipples, his hands meanwhile carving out the curves of your waist. 

“I want you to mark me like he did.” He declared into the skin of your sternum, looking up at you. “I want you to show me that I’m just as important.”

A titter, and then actual consideration. Kylo watched as the cogs ticked over in your mind, and you eased him back onto the bed. His shirt was already off, giving you leniency to place open-mouthed kisses over the scars that littered his large frame. Every muscle rippled under the touch of your lips, down from his chest, across his abs, all the way down to his hips. His V-line muscles strained forward, his hips bucking up into your mouth eagerly. You tutted at his impatience, pressing tantalisingly slow kisses to the dark trail of hair that led below his belt. 

Your teeth grazed over his hipbones, drawing a long sigh from his lips as you ravaged the areas, creating pops of purple and pink. You sucked the blood to the surface of his skin, and with each hickey left his arousal grew tenfold. 

You smiled down at your masterpiece, the sweaty Supreme Leader breathing raggedly as your hands now tugged on his pants, inching them lower and lower and-

“(Y/n)?” Both yours and Kylo’s head shot to the door, where a scantily clad Hux stood in just a blue robe. 

If you hadn’t been so caught off guard by the worst case scenario coming to fruition, you would’ve been turned on by the messy state of his ginger hair, cheeks flushed as pink as his parted lips.

“Oh, hey Armie.” You cringed, pulling your hands back to their sides.

“You told me you had others, but- but him?” He looked upon the scene with utter disgust.

“Wait.” Kylo looked between the two of you. “He’s the other guy?”

You groaned, letting your face fall into your hands. “Yes.” You tugged your shirt on, trying to avoid direct eye contact with either of them.

“What the hell do you see in him?” “You’re not much to look at, Supreme Loser.” “I could have you executed for such treason!” “Oh please, do so in your state, I’d love to see you kill me whilst sporting a massive boner.”

“Can you two stop.” You interrupted their quarrel. “I’ve been having sex with both of you, yes. But I never once lied about it. I was never exclusive with either of you.”

“But-” they said together.

“But nothing. I didn’t want you to find out who the other was because I knew this would happen. And if you both feel the urge to continue fighting I will leave and find someone else on this ship to have me.”

Hux shook his head instantly. “No, no darling, I’m fine with this.”

“Darling? Stars (Y/n), he’s practically your boyfriend.” 

You gave Kylo a pointed look. 

“Fine, alright. As long as I don’t have to see him and you together, I’ll agree to continue this… arrangement.”

“Good.” You nodded, thanking whatever guardian angel had saved you from witnessing a brutal murder.

“Now leave.” Hux ordered, pointing to the door.

“Excuse me?” Kylo scoffed.

“I came to have my time with (Y/n).” 

“And I was in the middle of my time.”

“Kriffing hell, do I need to allocate times for you two now? I’m not some child in the center of a divorce.” You complained.

“Yes, but-”

“Hux, wait outside. I’ll call for you when we’re done.”

Kylo gave a shit eating grin to the General, which you wiped off his face by pinching his cheeks between your fingers. “And don’t you say a word. He’ll fuck me just as well as you do.”

“You sure you can handle us both?” Hux asked, leaning against the door frame. 

“Separately, yes.” You answered. “I’ve been doing so for a couple months now.”

“A couple months!”

Oh boy, here we go again.


	2. Chapter 2

It was an easy day, where it was hot but the wind was cool and curled around your skin as it blew past. Relaxing under the shade of the shifting tree foliage, you leant against the trunk, your dear friend Ben swinging in the branches above, trying to show off.

His muscles rippled in his arms as he tackled one branch after another, climbing higher and higher. You weren’t afraid of him hurting himself - the force could assist his fall if it happened - but knowing how clumsy he was, you knew to keep an eye on him just in case.

“Come up.” He beckoned, out of breath but with an elated smile pulling his lips.

You shook your head. “You know I’m no good and climbing, not to mention I’m-”

“Scared of heights. Yes, princess, I know.” He finished with a crooked grin. The type that made dimples in his cheeks and seemed to light a glow upon his skin.

Princess you thought, trying not to blush. This summer was different, and the only way you had been able to tell was by the sudden emergence of the pet names. And the way Ben’s gaze began to linger a lot longer than it used to. Or the way his hands were always touching you - at your lower back, squeezing your arm, even his knees couldn’t help but knock into yours as he sat too close. Come to think of it, there were a lot of ways this time spent with him had become different, and that fact was screaming at you as he jumped down with ease and scooped you up in his arms. 

Before you could object he was pushing you up into the shortest alcove on the tree. You managed to get up there, but not without Ben helping by hoisting you up (with his hands on your butt). He hadn’t even realised what he had done until he saw you blushing, his jaw falling at the realisation.

“Oh- kriff (Y/n), I’m so sorry… I- I-” he stammered, but you only offered your hand in response, laughing at his adorably flustered state.

“Just get up here, you perv.” 

He swallowed, taking your hand, and managed to squeeze in next to you. He sat, pulling you into his lap, mumbling something about making sure you didn’t fall. He could feel your heart hammering, your pulse practically electrocuting your blood in constant zaps, his fingertips feeling the way your body chimed in reaction to his. 

With a hesitant hand you pushed your fingers into his thick locks, curling them subconsciously as his arms tightened around your middle. It was unspoken, this new thing that floated around you, these fresh feelings. It had always been there, underneath, but now that you were both older it was emerging the same way a millaflower opens its petals to the sun, ready to receive the care it had always known was there for it. 

He was like the sun, in some ways. Hot headed, sometimes so brash that it left others burnt in his wake. But to you he was only tender and warm, careful not to leave a scarring burn. And to him, you were cold. Not in a hard, unforgiving way, though. The type of cold that offered his mind clarity when it was fogged. A nice coolness, like this breeze that was rustling the trees, making the days bearable as well as peaceful. Two opposites - how you had come to settle in such an equilibrium you didn’t know - but you were the other’s equal, the other’s salvation.

“I think I could stay here forever,” Ben breathed, “with you.”

You hummed, snuggling into his secure arms. “Me too.”

He settled for that today, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. It was a lazy day - not a day for heartfelt confessions of feelings not yet comprehended. But it was enough for today to have found a permanent home in his arms, and for him to hear your affectionate thoughts about him drift into the air around you, unguarded.

So soft he heard you think as you stroked his hair, I love it here as you nuzzled yourself into him further. Mine as your hand drifted up and traced his jawline. And I love you as he captured your hand and pressed lazy kisses to the back of it.

He found his heart flipping at every silent statement, knowing full well that you were aware he could read those thoughts.

And for today, it was enough to know that he knew of your love for him. The spoken words could come later.


	3. Chapter 3

You knew what you were doing to him. With every concentrated bite of your lip, to the ever lowering cleavage that your uniform shirt showed off. You didn’t have to be Force sensitive to feel the build up of lust and need, Kylo’s eyes hungry whenever they danced around your body. Working close to the Supreme Leader was a blessing to you, while a curse to everyone else. 

And to Kylo; he couldn’t believe this once pathetic officer in his eyes had grown to be so much more. He had started taking you on missions now, to far off planets, claiming it was to sweep up any instances of Resistance, but you weren’t dumb. These were opportunities for him to attempt to court you, flirt without the strict eyes of the General or other inferiors. But you wouldn’t make it easy for him, no way. You’d allow him a step closer each time, but never more. You wanted to frustrate him until he took what he wanted without restraint. 

Today was another day spent on a mission to some exotic, outer rim planet. The climate was warm, prompting you to strip down to your underwear as you prepared to jump into the inviting lake that rippled a deep green.

“Taking a dip?” Kylo asked, his lip caught between his teeth as he checked you out. 

“Yeah. Want to join me?” You asked, cocking your head to the side. 

“In a moment.” He promised, shedding his outer layers to reveal his sweat-slick, toned chest. You gulped, praying that you would have to will to resist. “First, I want to see your form.”

You giggled. “Excuse me?”

“Your diving form.” He clarified with a dark smirk. 

“Anything for you, Supreme Leader.” You lined yourself up, but found yourself stuck. The Force. You turned back to Kylo, a brow raised in confusion.

“I don’t want you trailing water into my ship.” He said, his voice low as ever. “Take off the rest of your clothes.” 

You put up no fuss, only staring him dead in the eyes as you freed yourself from your bra and panties. Kylo’s jaw comically dropped, and you didn’t wait to see if he had picked it back up before you dived into the water.

“You coming or not?” You asked, floating on your back. Kylo nodded, tearing the clothes from his body so fast that he was naked in no time. The weight of your arousal nearly made you lose your balance floating. 

“I see.” He purred, beginning to stroke his length. “You finally want me, don’t you?”

You swallowed. He was making it hard to simply tread the water. “I’ve always wanted you. You know that.”

His lips quirked. “And you knew I wanted you, too. Yet you’ve made me wait.” He hid none of the desire that sparkled in his eye as he continued lapping up your naked body in the water, his length twitching in his hand. “You’ll feel how torturous it is, my sweet.”

You could only watch on as he pleasured himself, an intense staring competition as you swam around, the pristine water gliding over that body Kylo had been aching for for so long. While one hand stroked his dick the other roamed around his body, following every dip and muscle of his torso. How you wished your hands could replace his. Then your mouth. Then your-

Kylo came with a grunt, his thick black hair falling in waves as he tipped his head back, his pale thighs shaking. His reddened chest rose and fell in rapid intervals as he finished himself off, a lazy smile now on his face. 

“Kylo, if you don’t get down here in less than two seconds I swear on all the stars that I’ll climb back up and-” He dive bombed right in front of you, splashing water into your mouth. When he resurfaced he was already laughing, pulling you into his arms playfully.

And he had already found a spot on the bank that would be a perfect place for the both of you to stop this waiting game.


	4. Chapter 4

Children. Ben Solo had always been good with them. After all, as one of the older Padawans at Luke’s temple, a lot of the kids looked up to him, and subsequently it meant he was always given responsibility over them when his Master was away. But Kylo Ren, albeit knowing how to care for children, did not find it as easy.

The Supreme Leader of the First Order, his now unmasked face known throughout the galaxy as the frontier of a new age, where fear reigned and hope was quashed. He was in the middle of making an inspiring speech, recorded to be shown to the masses. With passionate hand movements and a ferocious steely gaze, he stared down the ordered lines of Stormtroopers who had gathered to watch him speak. 

“And that is why, on this day, the Resistance has pulled the short straw. Our superior Order has cast them down with a swift checkmate, and the ashes of their pathetic rebellion will be the earth upon which we build our new galaxy!” Cheers echoed throughout the large chamber, black fists raised in the air in triumph. 

General Hux tapped him on the shoulder, no doubt wanting to rival him in his speaking skills. He shrugged off the hand, giving the ginger a harsh scowl. He turned back to the crowd. 

“That is why, in these vital moments, there will be no room left for error. This is our chance to-” Kylo had to pause at the tugging on his left pant leg. He peered down, met with the wide eyes of his four year old son.

“Papa, are you neely finished?” He asked with an adorable pout. “I’m hungee.” The precious boy hadn’t yet learnt how to properly pronounce his ‘R’s. 

Kylo bent down, shaking his head. But it was impossible to get mad at such a cute face. “Not now, Ani.” He whispered. “Papa needs to finish his speech.”

His boy, named after his inspirational great-grandfather, simply humphed, frustrated. “But Mommy noomally makes lunch now.” 

Meanwhile, the Stormtroopers all watched on, not daring to say a word. Some were whispering amongst themselves. 

“Your mother isn’t here, though.” Kylo pinched his cheeks, yearning to pry a smile from Anakin’s frowning face. “How about this: if you let me finish my speech, we can go to Naboo for lunch.” 

That brought a grin to his face; the toothy smile that was filled with gaps left by the baby teeth that had recently come out. “Yes yes yes! Thanks papa! Yooou the best!” 

Kylo smiled, hugging his son, then sent him off with a kiss to his forehead. He then stood to his full height, and the benevolent father dissolved, making way for the merciless leader.

“As I said. There is no room for error. Any traitors or defectors will be executed immediately, without trial nor reprogramming.” He then slammed his hands on the railing, power swirling around him as nearly everyone flinched. “To victory!” He declared, and a chorus of cheers erupted. 

Kylo disappeared from the chamber, then. He scooped up little Ani in his large arms, and he ordered for his ship to be readied. 

“Can I get Saaalacc cakes?” 

“Didn’t your mother tell you to lay off those?” Kylo raised his brow. “Too much sugar.”

“Oh pweeease papa, you said it yooself, Mommy isn’t heeya.”

Booping his little button nose, Kylo chuckled at his son. “How right you are, my son. Sarlacc cakes it is.” 

Little Ani cheered as loud as Kylo’s inferiors had just done. And he knew he’d be even louder when his mother returned home.


	5. Chapter 5

For what felt like the 100th time Matt was speaking about Kylo Ren. You withheld your snickers, tried hard not to laugh at him as he rambled, expecting you not to have already found out by now. If it weren’t for the fact that you knew what Kylo’s face looked like, a dead giveaway would be the black hair peeking out from underneath what was the most cheap, obvious wig he could’ve bought. 

But you humoured him by paying attention, watching as he unknowingly humoured you too.

“And he’s totally shredded. Eight-pack and all!” He went on, eyes wide and hands up in the air, accentuating all his wild claims.

“How would you know?” You smirked, poking at your food with a fork. The other workers who sat at your table had learnt to tune out whenever Matt spoke.

“Uh… my friend saw him in the shower.” Matt mumbled, turning his blushing face to his food.

You tutted. “Your friend was breaching his privacy, then.” You narrowed your eyes, keen to play a little with the false blonde. “What was his name?”

“Why?” Kylo started to panic; you could see it in his dark brown eyes. 

“To report him.” 

Kylo turned to you, keeping his voice down. “Please don’t.” He held your wrists tightly, his brows drawn together in worry.

“Alright.” You laughed as he exhaled, relaxing his broad shoulders. “Only if you tell me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I mean, I agree that Kylo Ren is probably really muscular. Oh, just thinking about his body makes me…” You bit your lip. Kylo, or Matt could only sit there as you traced your nails absentmindedly over his skin. “Did your friend get a peek at his package?”

Kylo swallowed. “Well, uh, I guess so?” He then straightened his back, fixing his glasses. “I mean, yeah. He saw his entire body in the shower. Because Kylo Ren was naked…”

You squeezed his hand, making him jump. “He’s probably so big down there. Did your friend say anything about that?”

He could barely muster a reply, his face red. He tried to reply in a nonchalant manner, but couldn’t manage. “Y-es.”

“How many inches, do you think? He’d have to be at least seven.”

“Eight and a half.” Kylo said through a cough. 

“Oh.” You squeaked, now no longer feeling on top of the conversation. “Could your friend maybe… show me where he got to see Kylo Ren naked?”

“I’m sure I could arrange that.” Kylo smiled on wobbly lips, looking both nervous and excited.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear (Y/n), 

It’s been about a year since I last saw you, and I felt like I needed to do something about it. Luke’s training isn’t exactly hard, but it does take up a lot of my time, meaning I can never find a chance to come visit. I received all your gifts and holograms - I loved them. Especially that red Kyber crystal you found, it’s the best. 

Stars, I feel like a kriffing idiot just writing this, but I miss you. My parents said learning the ways of the Jedi would be good for me, that I would bring about a new age full of hope and happiness. Right now all it’s filling me with is hopelessness and anger. My mom is off on her diplomatic missions, I barely see her anymore. And my dad drops by to visit only to ask about mom. I wish they would just speak to each other, and treat me like their son instead of some conflict resolution droid. I feel like even Luke hates me too. He keeps getting mad at me for doing things my way. I wanted to craft my lightsaber to have more than one blade - I thought he would be impressed by my ingenuity - by he only yelled at me and told me to reconstruct it. 

I just miss you so much. It was so easy to talk about stuff like this to you, but now I just feel really alone. I wish you were here. No, I wish I was with you, away from all of this. You treated me like you actually gave a damn. Hell, you still give a damn because you’re still sending me things. 

I guess what I’m trying to say, in my own dumb way is

I love you.

And not in the way I’ve said it before. A year apart, and the only memory that’s brought me solace is you. Your smiling face, probably teasing me or something. And when I see that pretty face in my mind, that’s not just my friend. You’re my heart, (Y/n). 

I hope that when you get this, you won’t be angry. I know it’s a lot to spring on you, and in letter form too. I don’t think I’m brave enough to send a hologram or call you up. I just hope that even if you don’t feel the same way, that you’ll still care about me. You’re the only person who does.

Your friend from across the stars, 

\- Ben. 

 

“What are those?” Luke asked, causing Ben to jump. He covered the letter with a spare piece of parchment.

“Nothing.” Ben uttered, his eyes wide. 

Luke gave him a suspicious look, his brows now speckled with white. 

“I can’t believe you’re still using paper and pen.” He said. “Your mother bought you a brand new holoprojector.” Luke walked over, ruffling his nephew’s hair. “Who’s the letter to?”

“No one.” Ben answered quickly.

“Well,” he smiled warmly, “no one’s very lucky to be loved by Ben Solo.” 

His uncle left him, chuckling to himself. Ben looked down at the messily written letter, deterred from sending it. He sighed, scrunching the paper into a ball and throwing it across the room.

“Idiot.” He muttered to himself, salty tears prickling his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

“He still doubts me!” Kylo continued on, his tangent about Snoke’s disappointment in him accentuated by the red creeping up his neck. “What more can I do to satisfy him?”

“You’re trying your best, that’s all that matters.” You chimed, but it once again went over his head as he paced around the room. 

“No, I’ll have to show him. I’ll do something big.”

“First you need to rest.” You stressed, now getting up from where you had been sitting on his bed. 

Kylo merely ignored your comment, and at this rate he’d chew his fingers to the bone if he kept anxiously nibbling on his nails. So with one big stride you came to him, stopped him in his tracks, and wordlessly gave him a hug. 

The tall young man didn’t know what to do initially - he’d never had such contact with someone in so long, it felt foreign to him. He stood there for a couple moments, then finally realised he had to react, and slowly drew his arms around you also. 

And then it was like something in him had snapped. The feeling of your body pressed to his, your steady breathing casting a ticklish breeze across his neck, and your smaller arms curled around him in a giant bear hug; he experienced a thrum of happiness. It only continued to affect him severely as you squeezed him, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. His heart was so overwhelmed with love that he thought he was going to need to be resuscitated. 

When you pulled away, he couldn’t help but whimper. 

“Better?” You asked, hands still lingering on his biceps. His response came in the form of another embrace, this time with no hesitance. His taller stature bent and engulfed you, his face nestling comfortably into the crook of your neck. You released a breathy chuckle, admittedly getting a lot of enjoyment from the affection as well.

“Don’t ever let me go.” Kylo mumbled into your skin. “You feel too good.”

“You know I have a drill in five minutes.” You huffed. “I only came here to indulge your ranting for a short while.”

Kylo pouted, and apprehensively let go. “Come back here straight after.”

You laughed. “Is that an order, Commander?”

“Yes.” He smiled, then couldn’t resist pulling you in for one more hug. You had always presumed Kylo wouldn’t be the type to like such sentiments, but now you only adored him more. 

And so, in a brief courageous stint, you quickly placed a kiss on his lips, before you dipped into the hallway.

Kylo was stunned for a moment, and you worried you had made the wrong call.

You were certain this wasn’t the case when you found out the Commander had somehow cancelled training, and found him waiting with ready, open arms in your personal quarters.


	8. Chapter 8

Watching him take it off hurt every single time, even if you knew it was because he cared too much to chance losing it.

“I can feel you looking at me that way again.” He grumbled, looking up with a half-smile as his ring sat in the palm of his hand. “Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried.” You countered with a pout, coming over to the edge of the bed to wrap your arms around him. You felt his lungs contract and raise, his heart beating at your fingertips. To even think about this beautiful body ceasing to breathe, ceasing to exist…

“You’re worried.” Kylo reiterated, turning to kiss your temple. “It’s just a ring. My love for you is so much more than some little silver band.”

“Yet you refuse to wear it on any mission.” You said, raising a brow.

Kylo sighed, placing the ring on the bedside table. He looked to the drifting stars outside of the viewport that was positioned right next to where you both slept each night. The limitless possibilities, the limitless ways to die without you by his side.

“Here.” You said, standing up. You retrieved a thin chain from one of the cabinets, and returned to sit by his side. It was moments like this that he relished, that he was fighting to earn the right to. Your smaller frame leaning upon his, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder, as your slender fingers fidgeted with the necklace and his ring, sliding it on. You then motioned for him to turn as you clipped the latch, and let the silver ring hang from his neck.

Kylo huffed, picking up the thing between his calloused fingers. Uninscribed, plain, just a piece of metal welded into a circle. But it meant so much more, knowing that it had been given by you.

“There.” You smiled. “Now you won’t need to worry about it getting lost of charred.”

“And if the chain breaks?”

“It won’t.” You promised. “I bought this from the best merchant I know. Ilrylian steel.”

Kylo nodded, a slight smile on his full lips as he brought the symbol of love to his mouth and kissed. He then did the same to his actual love, and pressed a heartfelt thankyou to your lips.

“It would be best if I left soon.” He whispered, his heart falling the same way it always did when he had to leave.

“Stay alive.” You replied, fingering the ring that hung on top of his broad chest. “For me.”

“Everything I do is for you, my love.” He smirked. “And one day when the last brick is placed and our Empire is built, I would have done it all for you.”

“Not for the ‘Greatest Cause in the Galaxy’?” You mocked his previous loyal ramblings.

Kylo poked your rounded cheeks, causing you to smile even more. “Not just for that. You are my priority.”

“I’m more important to you than the wellbeing of the Galaxy?”

“Yes.” He replied with ease, gathering your hand and placing a kiss on the back of it. “And you ought to never forget it. No matter how many missions I go on.”

You believed him. Even if it weren’t for the sincerity in his brown irises, you would have known he meant it just from past experience. His value had been demeaned by the cause of the galaxy, and it still weighed on him to this day.

“You’re not your parents, Kylo.” You spoke softly, catching the brief flash of hurt in his eyes. “You won’t make their same mistakes.”

He stood, grabbing his helmet.

“I know.” He said, confidence in his tone. Then he tilted his chin up and became Kylo Ren, the new fear of the galaxy far and wide. But before he could place his helmet on, you stopped him. Just to place a peck on his cheek, but the sentiment was not overlooked by the now blushing young man. Menace he may be, he was still the love of your life.

“Be safe.” You said, a hand to his chest to feel that heart beat again before he left. “I love you.”

Kylo beamed, returning a kiss to your forehead before he put his helmet on. His next words came through the harsh coder on his helmet, but were no less meaningful.

“I know.”

And although he didn’t need it, the ring now hanging under his shrouded cowl helped remind him of that.


	9. Chapter 9

“Goodbye (Y/n)! Have a great rest of your night.” You coworker waved before he drove off, leaving you back home. 

You almost dropped your keys as you walked into your flat, jumping at the sight of Kylo wide awake and waiting for you in the hallway.

“Hey baby.” You huffed. “Sorry, you scared me.”

“It’s past midnight.” Came the taught words from his full lips, a frown heavy on his brow.

“Yeah, I didn’t know how late it was getting.” You explained, hanging up your coat. “Everyone was having a really fun time.”

“Including Greg?” 

“Um… yes?” You retorted, not at all liking the venomous tone Kylo had implemented. “Kylo, you’re not going to start on this again, are you?”

“No, no.” He cooed condescendingly. “I’m sure I don’t have to ask about it again. I already know what happened.” He then turned and walked back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. With an annoyed groan you followed him, finding him already under the duvet and with his back firmly to you.

“Kylo.” You moaned with a pout. “Kylo. Please don’t do this to me.”

“Do it to you?” He burst, turning around. “I’m not the one who goes out every weekend with seedy men!”

“They’re my friends from work! And they’re not all men!” You argued. “Might I also remind you that I invite you out with me every single time I leave?” 

“You don’t really want me to come.” 

“Oh yeah, totally. That’s why I constantly leave early because I want to spend time with you. Sorry that I slipped up and allowed myself to have fun without you for once.” Feeling no need to continue standing up for yourself, you gathered a couple pillows in your arms and headed straight for the couch. Kylo watched on in horror as you started to tear up, and as he tried to wait out the fight he only found himself feeling worse when he heard your sniffles from the living room. 

You had almost drifted into the solace of sleep when Kylo’s cold hands found your face, his body kneeling before the couch like he was ready to commence a prayer.

“I’m so sorry.” He spoke gently, afraid to ruin things further. “I overreacted.”

You had no energy to talk anymore, to reiterate this tired argument, but still had to ask him. “Don’t you trust me anymore?”

“Of course I do, my love.” He said. “It’s the world I don’t trust. It gave me you, but it could just as easily take you back.”

“The world doesn’t dictate what I do, Kylo. I do. And I choose to stay with you, no one else.”

“I know, I know.” He sighed, letting his head fall onto your chest. “I don’t want my insecurities to bring you down.”

You poised a soft finger under his chin, tilting his head back up. “Hey, you’re getting better every day. And I’m not going to leave. I wouldn’t dream of a life that you’re not a part of.”

“Even when I’m a jealous asshole?”

“Especially then.” You smiled, placing a sweet kiss on his nose. “Whenever else do I get to have you on your knees?”

“Hm, I don’t know.” He smirked, a dangerous glimmer entering his eyes. “I’m sure I could think of plenty of times you’ve brought me to my knees for a completely different reason.”

You giggled, pinching his cheeks. “Shh, stop teasing. Now come cuddle me, you jealous asshole.”

Kylo was more than happy to oblige, and the next time you went out with your friends he managed to come out with you.

You had never received as much PDA from him as when you were coincidentally positioned in front of your coworker Greg. And the handsy affections certainly did not stop there.


	10. Chapter 10

“Ugh, I got it wrong again.” You groaned, head falling dejectedly into your pile of study books. 

“Let me see.” Ben insisted, leaning over to look at your answers. 

You had learnt the hard way that even studying with your crush didn’t make the revision easier. The only part that you seemed to like was when he’d come real close, his shoulder against yours, and made that adorable thinking face as he tried to decipher where you went wrong.

“Here.” He pulled you out of your subconscious admiration, his pen on the spot in your equation that you had miscalculated. “See here you carried the 3 but put it in the wrong spot. It actually goes… here.” He demonstrated by writing over your work in red pen, then turned back to find your face flush with confusion. It would’ve been annoying if you weren’t so goddamn cute as you blinked cluelessly. 

“I’m sorry that totally went in one ear and out the other.” You huffed a laugh, patting his arm apologetically.

“T-that’s okay! We can take a break if you like?” Ben suggested, feeling his cheeks heat up from your touch.

“The last break we took ended up being an hour long instead of five minutes.” You pursed your lips. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea. We should just soldier on.”

“Alright.” Ben nodded. “How about this: I’ll hide a code in the next set of parabola. If you can solve them all you’ll receive a hidden message.” He wiggled his eyebrows, twirling his pen. He thought he looked cool until the pen fell and a sneeze overcame his senses. “Sorry.” He mumbled, pushing his glasses back up while you struggled against a giggle. 

You agreed with the plan, and in only two minutes Ben had devised a whole set of new problems to solve.

“You’re so smart.” You whispered, looking over his shoulder as he finished off the last problem. Ben fumbled on a thanks and passed the page to you, then returned to his work, trying to calm his racing nerves. 

After an hour and a bit, you had finished the entire sheet, breathing out a sigh of relief and a “finally”. Then, with your results, you went to work on decoding Ben’s message. 

B E A U T I F U L

“Beautiful?” You frowned, writing out all the letter correspondents to the answers. You turned to Ben, who was engrossed in his work. His full lips quirked and his brow furrowed deeply as he thought. He was just that. Beautiful.

So, hoping that you had actually gotten the message right and hadn’t spelt out a different word to what he had intended, you closed up your maths textbook. You sat straighter and bent over to reach his cheek, where you placed a sweet kiss.

“Thanks for being a good tutor Ben.” You said softly. He looked at you, his face bewildered as he saw you had finished the sheet. 

“Holy shit (Y/n).” He breathed. “You actually did it. I didn’t think-”

“What? You have no faith in your pupil?”

“I didn’t expect you to get it all right on the first go.” He admitted, the pink in his cheeks reaching his neck. 

“Well, I guess you’re a better teacher than you thought.” You smirked, packing up your bags. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going on a five minute break.” You answered. “But I could be easily persuaded into making it an hour if a certain beautiful boy agrees to come with me.”

Ben’s cheeks ached with how much he was now smiling. “Only if a certain beautiful girl agrees to get dinner with me tonight.”

“Deal.”

“Good.” He beamed. “Now… you think I could get another one of those kisses?”


	11. Chapter 11

“Babe?” Kylo whispered as he pushed open the door, his tall figure hunched over as he put the spare key back in the pot plant. You’d told him its location just in case, for emergencies. Well, he was drunk and hungry and needed some lovin’, and to him that was an emergency. “Babyyyyy.” He droned, raising his voice a little. 

He found you on the couch, barely lifting your head to greet him as you stifled a yawn. “What’s wrong honey?” You asked, a lazy smile spreading on your lips. Kylo’s stomach fluttered, the dormant butterflies spurred on by your sweet face and gentle voice.

He stomped over; his feet heavy from the alcohol, and fell into your arms. It was a Friday night, and he had invited you out with him, but you had insisted that it was about time he had some fun just with his guy friends. You were amazing like that - always giving him space, but loving him with so much vigour that he never felt neglected. He was most certainly whipped, and anyone could see so just by the way he looked at you.

You pinched his cheeks, kissing his nose. His dark hair tickled your face as he nestled his head into the crook of your neck.

“What’re you doing here?” You asked again. 

“I missed you.” His answer was muffled against your skin. “I always miss you.”

You smiled, but narrowed your eyes sceptically. “You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

Kylo pouted. “…Yes.” He admitted. “But I wanted to see you too!”

He took your hand in his, pressing soft kisses to your palm and knuckles, where his lips began to travel all the way up your arm in tickling succession. Until his mouth grazed your neck and came to settle on your mouth. He tasted like Fireball and cigarette smoke, intermingled with the faint hint of mint from the gum he had been chewing to cover up the smell. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He mumbled against your lips, not being able to get enough. His hands kept travelling, squeezing your arms then thighs, while his lips aimed to kiss every inch of you. Giggling, you rolled away from him, going to pick up your car keys from the table.

“C’mon, I’ll drive you to MacDonald’s.” You said. Kylo grinned like a little kid, standing up and giving you a bear hug. He picked you up and spun you around, his arms strong around you.

“Why are you like this?” You teased, booping his big nose. 

“Because I’m in love with you!” He proclaimed. “Because you’re amazing and the best girlfriend in the universe.”

“Just for getting you takeaway while you’re drunk?”

“No. For sooooo many things.” His drunken slur made you titter. “You’re so smart, and gorgeous, and you’re always perceptive and- and empathetic, and patient and kind-” Kylo choked on his words for a second, so caught up in your small appreciative smile. “I… I don’t even deserve you.”

Your smile fell to a frown, and you immediately placed your hands on Kylo’s heated cheeks. “I am yours, Kylo. I wouldn’t ever give myself to someone who doesn’t deserve me.” You told him sincerely. “I love you. You are the greatest person I know, and I love you. I chose you.”

Kylo nodded, content with the answer. And it just added even more traits to boast about; his girlfriend consistently put up with his low self-confidence, and made him feel like he was everything she claimed he was.

So you drove him to get food, and sung loudly in the car, both with tired smiles and rosy cheeks. There was no need for apprehension as you laughed with each other and ate your oily meals, washed down with soda and quick stolen kisses. Kylo was told often about how his friends had found out their girlfriends were ‘the one’ after a big revelation or event. But as he looked at you, and you held his hand, he thought he already knew, through all the mundane ways you showed your affection, that you were his one.


	12. Chapter 12

“We need to wrap this up quickly.” Kylo huffed, readjusting his grip on his weapon.

“Oh.” You breathed. “Got a meeting soon, do we?”

“I have a meeting. You’re going to continue working on those blocking poses.” 

With a disappointed sigh, you shut off your lightsaber, wiping the sweat from your forehead. 

“Why can’t I come, just this once?” You pouted, taking a big step towards the towering man.

“No. And you know why.” He grumbled, putting away his own weapon. His breath caught as you reached up, pressing your fingers to his reddened cheeks. When he wrapped his hand around your wrist and pulled it away, white fading circles were left amongst the red.

“You’re their Emperor, Kylo. They’ll adore you, no matter what you do.”

“It’s one thing to announce that I’ve been training someone personally. Another to tell them that I love my apprentice too.”

“But that’s not really the reason, is it. You’re afraid it’ll put a target on my back.”

Kylo clenched his jaw, but it softened immediately under your gentle sweeping touch. With a slow kiss, you could feel the tremble in his soft, full lips.

“Don’t be afraid, my love. You’ve trained me well.” You whispered against his mouth.

“Not well enough.” He pulled away. “Not yet.”

“Then when?” You frowned, growing tired of this usual argument.

Kylo took your hands, placing a chaste peck to each knuckle. 

“When you’re ready. When I can make you my Empress.” He smiled at your shocked expression. “What? You thought I’d go to such lengths to make you safe, and then not make you mine?”

Smiling, you threaded your hands through his slick, black hair. “You never were a man of rationality.”

“Well, falling in love with you was possibly the least and most rational thing I’ve done.” He smirked, pulling you close. “And marrying you will prove to be the best decision of my life.”

“So, what are you waiting for?” 

Kylo grinned. “I’m waiting for you to notice that I’ve stolen your saber.” He laughed, darting away with your weapon already strapped to his belt. “Practice those poses, darling. You’ll have to earn that ring.”

Watching him saunter off only made you even more determined to best him. You’d earn that ring, and that crown. And the right to openly love the most amazing man you knew.


	13. Chapter 13

“You won’t escape!” The grumbling voice was like a knife to your senses, drawing out the long, pounding feeling of adrenaline.

You ran, as fast as any person could, but of course that wasn’t enough. For what chased you wasn’t human at all. So you’d have to become something else; a beast with wings and claws that could fly away from predators. Or a shadow, a shroud that couldn’t be detected and would wait for the opportune moment to strike.

Since Kylo was faster, you knew you couldn’t run. But you were more agile, more light, more silent. You looked up, using your training to help guide your hands and feet into sturdy holds as you launched yourself up, up into the trees. 

You could fly and be a shadow. A shadow cast upon the man who know stopped down below, panting from his exertion. You held your breath, willing your heartbeats to slow. You used your training, masking the essence of your being with the Force, trying so hard that you felt you might explode. 

Kylo’s face twitched with a smirk, and his hand waved like lightning, bringing the branch you were perched on tumbling down. You braced for impact, only to fall into his strong, ready arms. 

“Got you.” He whispered, wearing his usual cocky expression. 

You huffed, rolling your eyes. “You wouldn’t have found me if it weren’t for this stupid Force bond.”

“Stupid?” He raised a brow, trying not to let his hurt shine through his indifferent facade. 

“Yes. Stupid.” You pat his cheek roughly. “Just like you.”

He dropped you suddenly, only to make you hover an inch off the ground. He smirked as the sound of your frightened squeak echoed through the forest, always eager to have the last laugh. 

“The bond is no excuse. We’ll try again tomorrow.” 

And with that he left you, but not before leaning down to press a hurried kiss to you cheek after letting your body hit the ground with a soft thud.


	14. Chapter 14

“Kylo!” You voice rang from the bathroom. “Could you bring me a towel?”

“I’m in the middle of something important, darling.” He replied, his voice hesitant and a little awkward.

“But the water’s going cold and I forgot to bring one.” The pout was practically audible in your voice.

He huffed, a blush coating his cheeks. The sound of a murmured apology travelled into the bathroom, followed by his rapid footsteps. He emerged through the door with his jaw clenched, a white towel clasped tightly in his fist.

But as his eyes caught sight of you, lazing in the tub with a big tired grin, his anger soon subsided. Kylo came towards you, dropping to his knees. Taking his face in your hands, you pressed a kiss to each cheek, then his nose, making his face scrunch up cutely. 

“Thanks baby.” you smiled, your tender touches making him melt in the spot. 

Standing, the water cascaded around you, before Kylo wrapped the towel around your naked body. With one strong arm he lifted you out of the water, chuckling along with your surprised giggles. He then stood there for a moment, peppering your face in sweet pecks. 

“I love you.” Those words came often and easily from his full lips. 

“I love you too.” Always the response you gave him. “Weren’t you doing something important?”

In an instant his relaxed demeanour transformed, and with one final quick kiss he darted out of the room, back to the table in the large living area of your shared quarters. 

Standing by the door frame, you watched as he tried to smooth his hair down, taking a seat alongside a dozen holograms, one of which being a snickering Hux.

“Finally ready to start planning the assault, or will you continue to do the bidding of your lover?” He snickered.

Kylo ignored the remark, instead turning to the other officers. “If the brute forces attack at 14:00, I could easily sneak my ship through-”

His voice quietened in your ears, and you watched on in awe as his intelligence took centre stage. He was possibly the busiest man in the Galaxy, yet he’d always make time for you.


	15. Chapter 15

You awoke to cold sheets, the only evidence that his sleeping body had been there were the crimps in the white fabric. Another one night stand; you told yourself not to be upset. And it shouldn’t have made you so mad. Casual lovers and fleeting romance was always in the cards, it wasn’t something that bothered you. But after being single for years, and sharing your bed more often than your heart, it had really started to take a toll. 

Dark hair and dark eyes, synonymous with the dark night you had stumbled into the room kissing him. It felt different somehow, like there was hope for something more, as long as he stay until his milky flesh was bathed in sunlight. But morning came, and the man who called himself Ben had disappeared like a shadow, no trace left of the lovely night you’d shared. 

Ships whirled outside, buzzing softly in the air just past your high rise window. He would’ve found his transport ship, turned on the autopilot, and jumped to lightspeed, not looking back as he went home. Wherever his home was.

But his touch still lingered, the purple marks trailing down your neck the only part of him that stayed. He had loved you so passionately, kissed you so fiercely. The type of affection that made you wonder whether he didn’t get out often, whether your tender touch was the only one he’d felt in a while. 

And it was different. You hadn’t been drunk, you hadn’t closed your eyes. He was there fully, as you were. Wholly dedicated to showering your body with worship, his strong arms cradling you carefully before showing just how sweet pain could be. But the only pain he left was a crack in your heart; not significant enough to break it, after all you’d only known him for the night, but big enough to cause an ache of absence. 

Taking a cup of tea, you settled on top of your apartment’s kitchen counter, watching the morning news on your data pad. The notification that popped up drew you out of your sleepy state: a hologram message. 

When you opened it a shrouded figure appeared, a familiar shadow whose voice caused an excited stirring in your stomach.

“Hello (Y/n).” He said, his warm smirk picked up in the blue hologram. “I’d like to invite you to my ship. You’re welcome to visit anytime.” He then paused, a quirk of his full lips. “I hope you’ll come.”

Then the message flickered out, leaving only the coordinates of his base ship. They led you right to the First Order Finalizer.


	16. Chapter 16

The training room was quiet today - no sounds of clashing lightsabers nor the exerted breaths from hand-to-hand combat echoing off the mirrored walls. Instead Kylo had sat you down on the floor, with an array of objects by his side.

“I know you’re getting better with combat, but I thought we’d slow things down today.” He explained, placing his hand under yours. He twisted your palm to face upwards, then put something in your hand. 

“What is this?” You asked, rubbing your thumb along the hard object.

“Figure it out.” He said plainly, sitting back and watching your hands digest the physical information. 

“It’s metal… three cylinders… buttons- easy. It’s your lightsaber.” You smiled pushing the object back out.

Kylo continued to hand you objects, all with different textures, testing your skill to absorb the relevant information from your fingertips. It had been difficult adjusting to the darkened world, your eyes now useless after an explosion had erupted during a mission. But instead of abandoning you, thinking of you as disabled, Kylo had continued to train you as his apprentice. He would say that you didn’t need your eyes when the Force could be your sight. 

“You’re doing well.” He noted. “Now there’s one more thing that I want you to guess at. You’ve never felt this before.” 

You nodded, biting your lip as he took your hand. Your fingers grazed against something warm and slightly wet. You traced around the soft object, noting that it was squishy. Only when Kylo let out a shaky breath did you realise you were touching his lips. 

“Well? He whispered. “What do you think?” 

You took a deep breath, running your hands over his jawline now as you lifted your head. 

“I think I need to evaluate this particular thing with my lips.” You smiled. You felt the muscles in Kylo’s cheeks lifting, knowing he must’ve been smiling too. You were relieved that he was the one to lean in, for you were afraid you would’ve missed his lips if you had. 

His kiss brought a storm of butterflies alive in your stomach, and although your vision was non-existent, you could’ve sworn you saw fireworks.


	17. Chapter 17

Bodies entangled in a panting mess, your sweat evaporating as you lay there, content in each other’s arms. Kylo turned to you, his hair sticking to his forehead while his lips were parted, attempting to refill his lungs. You shuffled towards him on the bed, him watching your every move with an analytical eye. He found himself pressing a kiss to your lips, his hands having taken your face as you had moved closer to him. You kissed right back, with no hint of hesitation. When you pulled away, you continued to lovingly gaze into his eyes, your hands stroking the planes of his face with familiarity now.

“What do you want to do now?” His voice cracked, raw from all the vocal spurring he had done. 

“Hm…” You hummed, lifting your head onto your hand. “I think I want to cuddle for a bit, but I am particularly famished, so I was thinking I could make us some pancakes later.”

Kylo smiled up at you, his fingers tickling the edges of your jaw. “Life with me won’t always be this good (Y/n).” He warned, sitting up. “You know who I am. If you want to continue… seeing me, it won’t be easy.”

“So you- you don’t want us to be together?” Your words pierced Kylo’s heart as painfully as your disappointed expression did.

“No! I want nothing more than to give my heart to you. I just want you to realise that things won’t be… comfortable. I can’t provide you with the things a normal man could.”

You pushed yourself up, a coiling anger in your chest. “But I don’t want comfort! I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.” You breathed heavily, Kylo placing his hand on your cheek to calm you. “Kylo I don’t want a normal life with a normal man. I want you; every part of you.”

He nodded, placing a chaste kiss on your nose. “Then you will have me, as I will have you.”

You huffed, happy with his response. “Good. Now hold me.”

He complied, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as your pressed your back to him. He fell asleep like that, and instead of waking up to his usual night terrors, he awoke to the smell of pancakes and the sensation of peppered kisses on his face.


	18. Chapter 18

You had hobbled into your work station in the morning, the in-between of your legs sore and your muscles taut. You blushed even thinking about what had occurred between you and your commander, ashamed but simultaneously thrilled by the idea of it all. But although it had been fun, you knew you shouldn’t anticipate anymore. In all aspects, Kylo had made it clear that it was a one time thing, having left you in the morning without leaving so much as a note. 

That’s why you were a little shocked when he walked by you in the hallway on the way to lunch, his arm reaching out to grab you. He pressed a finger to his lips, pulling you into a nearby storage room. As the coast was clear, he took your face in his large hands, pressing a wholesome kiss to your lips. He lingered there for a second, and you could feel the way his heightened pulse reverberated on the steel walls of the tiny room.

“Do you enjoy torturing me so?” He whispered, his brow furrowed. You looked at him perplexedly. 

“I don’t understand.”

“Did you enjoy the sight of me kneeling before you?” His voice rumbled, deep and demanding. “Did you like making me so weak before you, forcing me to succumb to your body?”

“Kylo I-”

His hand latched around your throat, pressing his thumb lightly into your jugular. “Answer me.”

You swallowed, before nodding. “I did. But I didn’t do it to demean you.” 

“You say that, but you loved the way I begged. Begged like a fool.” He let out a long breath. “And you’ve bewitched me, now I want to be that fool all over again, just for you. How?”

“Y-you’re saying it wasn’t just a one time thing?” You asked. Kylo chuckled darkly, his face closing in to yours. 

“As long as you’re on this ship, I’m going to have you every night.” He uttered huskily. “I’ll kneel for you every time if it’s what it takes just to have another taste.”

A shiver ran through your spine, your core tingling in response. 

“Don’t be defensive of your dominance, Kylo.” You purred, his face exalting confusion as you started to lower your body, your hands pulling at his pants. “I will kneel for you too.”


	19. Chapter 19

Ben Solo was the last person you thought you’d ever see defending the prospect of true love. He was always laid back, not fazed by anything, seemingly not caring about a single thing. And now you were watching him argue with a classmate about it, your biology teacher watching with an amused expression, his arms crossed as he lent against his desk.

“Love has been proved to just be a chemical reaction Ben. It’s not some grand phenomenon.” The other boy argued. “It’s merely physical attraction.”

“Then explain how I can find some girls aesthetically appealing but not give a damn about them, hm?” Ben raised a brow.

“There are more things at work. Liking an aesthetic is a personal preference, this so called ‘love’ naturally pairs you up with someone compatible based on your immune systems. It’s so you can create healthy babies.”

“Would anyone else like to comment on this debate?” Your teacher interrupted, looking to the class. “(Y/n)?” As his top student, he always valued your opinion.

Both the boys looked at you, their glares intense as they waited to see who you sided with. And when Ben’s eyes met yours, your heart thumping loudly in response, you knew what truth you believed in.

“I think… love is definitely something special. It can’t just be wholly explained by science.”

Ben cheered, throwing his hands in the air triumphantly. “Hah! Exactly. Love conquers all. Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?”

You giggled. Ben was in your history class too, and you already knew how horrible he was at recalling the events. “Didn’t they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?” You chimed with a smirk.

“Pfft. That’s not the point. Follow your heart.” He grinned adorably, keeping his big brown eyes trained on you. “Anyway. I know love is real because I have- well I am experiencing it currently.” He announced proudly.

“I think the class had gathered that already, Mr. Solo.” Your biology teacher replied with a knowing look to you. The bell rang, signalling the end of the debate. But as you left class there was a certain love-struck boy waiting by the door, eager to continue talking to you on the topic.


	20. Chapter 20

Lunch time was your favourite part of the day, since it was the only time in between your shifts where you could hang out with your boyfriend. Matt greeted you with his wide goofy smile as you met him in the cafeteria, not caring if you got grease on you as you hugged him. You gave his blonde hair a ruffle, kissing him on his big nose before you turned to get your food.

The food was actually good today, fresh and delicious smelling. As you sat, you thought you might finally have a moment of peace with your love, until you overheard some officers talking about you from another table. 

“He’s ugly as hell, what does she see in him?” One whispered loudly, not caring if you heard. 

“He sure is punching above his weight. I mean, look at her, then look at him.” The other replied.

“Poor girl. She probably has to cover his face when they go at it.” 

“Yeah, he probably sucks in bed too.”

Matt slouched in his seat, hearing it all. He believed it all to be true, and a lot of your arguments stemmed from this idea that you were too good for him. You were a gorgeous high-ranking officer, and he was barely a mediocre technician. Even as Kylo Ren, his physical features were lacking, according to him. You noticed his body language, frowning slightly. You weren’t exactly a confrontational person, but you were sick of this. You knew that even when you weren’t around, people bullied Matt, feeding his fears about not being enough for you.

So when you heard another officer state that “you deserved someone better” you stood abruptly, snapping your plastic fork. To Matt’s dismay, you stomped over to the table, slamming your hands down.

“My boyfriend is the most beautiful person in this goddamn universe, inside and out. Even if I didn’t find him incredibly attractive, I am good-looking enough for both of us.” You yelled, frightening the officers with your intimidating glare. “If I ever hear you talking about him in a degrading way again, I’ll have you all floated into deep space.” 

You finished your rant with a curt huff, turning back to your table. You smirked at the surprised look on Matt’s face, his delight showing in the sparkle of his wide eyes. You stopped before returning to him, turning back to the officers to add one last point.

“Oh and by the way, he’s fucking phenomenal in bed.”


	21. Chapter 21

The sparks of the fire drifted up into the night sky, dissipating as they greeted the stars with their singeing kisses. Everyone was resting in their designated tents, preparing their bodies for the siege to be sprung in the early hours of the morning. All apart from you and your master, both of you lingering around the warmth of the flames, blaming insomnia. 

“Show me the trick you do with the fire.” You said, pulling Kylo out of the daydream he had been in.

Kylo shook his head, a tired smile pulling at his full lips. “It’s not very impressive.” 

“Aw c’mon. I might die tomorrow, and then you’ll regret fulfilling my last wish.” 

Kylo rolled his eyes. “You’re skilled, you won’t die.” He said sternly. “Not if I can help it.”

“Please master, indulge me just this once.” You pouted, the fire’s light flickering dangerously in those naive eyes. Kylo sighed, coming to sit on his knees. He held out a hand towards the flames, making them lick around his skin without being burnt. He had shown you the same trick once, where he bent the Force around the palm of his hand to act like a barrier. It was difficult to manage for long, the Force shield a skill that took years to master. 

“One day I’ll teach you how to procure your own Force shield.” He muttered. “Then you can show the fire trick to me instead.”

“Oh no, Kylo.” You giggled. “I don’t think I’m hot enough for it.” 

Kylo froze, his eyes glued to you as you tried to contain a wide smirk. You relished how easy it was to make him uncomfortable. He frowned at you, before freezing up as you ran over to him. He didn’t realise why you were tackling him until he caught the sight of his sleeve burning. You patted your own hands against his sleeve, picking up dirt and packing it onto the small flame. Luckily it had sizzled out before it did any damage to Kylo’s skin.

“Kriffing hell, Kylo!” You scolded. He was overwhelmed by the sensation of you straddling him, having executed this position in your attempts to put out the fire. He thought you might slap him for being so careless, until your serious expression fell away to laughter. You laughed loudly, the corners of your eyes crinkling as your rounded cheeks became pink. 

Kylo began to chuckle along, but he couldn’t stop watching you. The happiness you exuded warmed his cold heart, but the sound was incomparable to anything else. He thought it was a blessing to be hearing such a light sound, something so pure that it could cure all disease and hatred. 

It was curing him right now.


	22. Chapter 22

You took a seat on the last stair in your apartment, cradling the warm cup of tea in your hands. You sighed, propping your head up on the palm of your hand as you watched Kylo throw things around the room, the veins in his neck protruding as he yelled out his anger. 

“God, I fucking hate him!” He groaned, pulling at his hair. “You know what he said to me today?”

“What did he say sweetheart?” You asked, taking a casual sip of your drink.

“He said that I was unprofessional. Unprofessional (Y/n)! How did he expect me to handle the situation? The bitch was asking for a free coffee! I didn’t become a barista to stand there and make free goddamn drinks for middle aged women.” 

“Snoke’s a dick.” You chimed your quiet support.

“He’s the worst boss I’ve ever had. Ugh.” Kylo slapped his hand down on the dining table, cursing as he coddled his hand. 

You shook your head, a smile playing on your lips as you came over. You took his hurt hand in yours, pressing fluttery kisses to his knuckles. 

“Why are you like this?” He breathed, his chest still heaving from his outburst.

“Like what?” You raised a brow, sighing as he snaked his arms around your waist.

“Like a fucking angel. You just sit there and take all my shit.” He kissed your nose, causing you to let out that broad unconstrained smirk that he adored. 

“Because I love you. And I know you’d do the same.” You replied, pecking his full lips. “We’re in this together.”

Kylo huffed, nuzzling his large nose into your cheek. “Us against the world. It’ll always be that way, won’t it babe?” 

You breathed in his musk, his skin still smelling of ground coffee from his shift. You manoeuvred your hands around his back, undoing the apron he still had on. “Always.” You answered, throwing your hands around his neck and squeezing him in a tight hug.


	23. Chapter 23

Kylo checked his Technician issued watch, the clock hand closing in on the hour. He knew in about a couple seconds you would come walking down the hallway, eagerly making your way to dinner as your shift was finally over. He felt a pang of guilt for being such a creep and timing your encounters, but he couldn’t help but count down the days, hours, and seconds to when he’d next see your breathtaking face. You were like a astronomical phenomenon, a super moon that only occurred at rare intervals, and everyone would scramble for a front seat of the view. 

And right on time, accompanied by a couple friends, you came down the hall. You were slightly dragging your feet, a tired but sweet smile on your face as you made small talk with your coworkers. Kylo straightened his fake glasses, giving a tug to his wig to make sure it was covering every strand of dark hair. He bit his lip, perking up as you came closer, his lips parting in preparation to say something. But as you passed your head was turned, failing to notice the flustered blonde. He knew the opportunity was wasted as you continued down the hallway. He slumped down, hitting his head against the wall, cursing at himself. Why did he have to be so invisible?

The simple fact of the matter was that he was a nobody, even when he was a Commander, in comparison to you he was nothing. You were the smell after rain, the soft hum of a ship travelling through hyperspace, the warmth of a passing star. And he was a shadow, a fleck of dirt on a forgotten boot. He took off his name tag, throwing it to the ground. 

“Hey, are you alright?” 

Kylo’s head jolted up at the sound of your light voice. He watched in awe as you bent down to pick up his name tag, almost collapsing as he witnessed first hand the cute way your eyebrows scrunched up as you read it.

“Rough day Matt?” You asked, pinning his tag back to his orange vest. You were touching him. (Y/n) (Y/l/n) was placing her hands on his chest. He didn’t realise he had been holding in a breath until you parted from him. 

“More like rough existence.” He rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly chuckling. Why did he have to be so weird?

You grinned at him. “I deeply relate to that.” 

“You don’t look it.” He stuttered. “Rough, I mean. You’re very… very soft.”

“Uh, thanks?” You giggled, the sound so ethereal Kylo wished he could bottle it and get drunk off it every night. 

“S-sorry.” He breathed, wringing his hands awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“Matt, the only thing you’ve done is make me blush.” You replied with a shy tilt of your head. “So… I left my planner back at my work station.” You said, motioning your finger towards the way you had come, your feet guiding you backwards, away from Kylo.

“Do you need help looking for it?” He said hurriedly, afraid you’d vanish forever.

“I know where it is.” You replied, Kylo’s face falling in disappointment. “But I guess I could let you be a gentlemen and carry it for me. Don’t think these thin girl arms are quite capable of lugging a small tablet, y’know.” You joked, wobbling your arms out. Kylo laughed, his stomach furling and unfurling wildly. He still didn’t really understand these feelings, but he knew he wanted them to stick around. 

“I’d be honoured to.” He winked, taking the hand you offered him.


	24. Chapter 24

He had accepted it. He was bound to loneliness and spite, the only thing he deserved being swift agony. His fate was draped in shadow, his soul as black as night. No monster could ever be loved, and he had accepted it.

But then you had burst into his life, you with your brazen smiles and unapologetic light. A spark lit in the darkness, just a spark, but enough to glimmer and entice him. He thought it would be difficult, for a creature contained to the night to emerge in bright sunlight. But the initial blinding light faded, leaving him in comforting warmth.

Your body lay sleeping gently beside him, his fingers absentmindedly gliding across your naked back. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve to be loved so fully, to be kissed and looked at as if he wasn’t a selfish murderer. But you made it so easy to forget that. When you touched him, the darkness shied away from the light, and the way you looked at him made him believe for a second that everything was alright.

You made it so damn easy. You convinced him with each breathless giggle and each tender squeeze that he was lovable. You had made him question why he had ever been happy to accept a fate filled with loneliness. 

As you began to stir, even now in a half-awake state, you reached for him. He had come to realise that to you, he was the most important person. He came first, he was at the forefront of your mind no matter what. The fact made him tear up; for once someone had claimed him fully and openly, someone had put him first. And that someone was now leaving sleepy kisses on his hands.

“Are you crying again?” You cooed softly, pushing your face into the crook of his neck. “Kylo, I love you.”

He huffed with a small smile. It had become a sort of mantra between the both of you, to reassure him each time you woke and went to sleep that you would stay, that you loved him, and that he was allowed to be content with that. And his reply each day and night stayed the same too.

“I know.”


	25. Chapter 25

It seemed to Kylo that regret followed him in every part of his life. Now you were gone, and there was no one but himself to blame. You were the most amazing thing to happen to him, and he neglected you, knowing that you had promised to stay by his side no matter what. But how much could be asked of love, when the other person never showed it back?

Every sliver of affection, every kiss and touch, it was all concealed behind cold steel doors. Each declaration of love held no weight in this dark and dismal place, as if the terror that was asked of Kylo drowned out every good thing that should have been. He knew it was selfish to think this way; to blame his loss on the fact that he was supposed to be a monster. But Stars, he could’ve been beautiful just for you.

He should have let you hold his hand when you got scared, he should have comforted you when you were worried about things. To ask you to live alongside the First Order and witness their ruthless nature without a sign of compassion from himself must have been torture. The more he thought about it, the more he was glad you had been strong enough to at least have stuck around for so long. 

But now as he stared down at your hastily scribbled goodbye note, his chest ached like it never had before. Your absence left a gaping hole inside of him, one that ate up the emptiness that had once been, instead filling him with a heavy sorrow. His own personal black hole, and he deserved it. 

“Please come back.” he whispered, the words dying as soon as they escaped his lips. 

But you were no longer his. You would never smile for him, he would never feel your reassuring hands rubbing his back, or hear your laugh as you peppered his face with kisses. His heart fell as he remembered how he’d told you he found it annoying, but now that he looked back at it, he had loved it. He loved you… he still did love you.

But there were no second chances for people like him. He knew he would have to live with his black hole forever.


	26. Chapter 26

“She doesn’t even know who I am!” Kylo whisper-shouted as Hux pushed him over to the middle of the room. He had spotted you the moment he walked into this party, his heart racing and palms going sweaty. It didn’t help that his nemesis (aka his best friend) knew about this, and insisted that he say hi.

“She’s in all your classes, I have no doubt in my mind that she at least knows your name.” Hux retorted, getting annoyed at how childish Kylo was being. “Didn’t you say you had a group assignment with her?” 

“Yeah, but it was all over emails. We only met in person like, 2 times.” 

“You’re pathetic.” Hux huffed. “Just say hello!”

“Kylo?” The two bickering boys both turned as your voice pulled them out of their argument. “Kylo!” 

Hux winked as he left his friend, Kylo freezing as you gave him a quick hug. He barely registered it enough to hug back. And when you pulled away, he really cursed the bad lighting in here. From afar he had barely coped being in your presence, but now you were right in front of him, every detail perfectly visible, your smile steadily speeding the beating of his heart.

“How are you?” You asked. Your face was relaxed after a few drinks, your smile broader than its usual reserved state. 

“I-I’m pretty- I mean I’m great!” Kylo rubbed the back of his neck, already cursing the head rising in his cheeks. You simply giggled at his response, placing a casual hand on his arm. 

“You are pretty.” You chimed. Kylo’s eyes were glued to you as you squeezed lightly on his arm. “You alright?”

“Y-yeah! It’s just a little loud in here with the music.” He replied. “And all these people.” 

“Let’s go outside?” You suggested.

“You want to ditch your friends?” He frowned, nodding over to the group of tittering girls who were watching the both of you.

“…They’re the ones who convinced me to come over here, actually.”

“Really?” Kylo cocked his head to the side, a half-confident cocky smile forming at the corners of his lips.

“Yes really. As you so humbly noted yourself - you’re pretty.” 

Kylo sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes wide. “And you’re i-incredible. Honestly. Like, show stopping beautiful and I- I’m sorry.” He crinkled his nose up so cutely you thought you’d burst from all the butterflies it elicited.

“It’s okay.” You smiled. He cursed your entire family line for so perfectly aligning to create such a flawless feature. “C’mon, I want to steal you away for a bit.”

Kylo awkwardly slung his arm over your shoulders, walking out the door with you. As you passed by Hux you very casually pressed a kiss to Kylo’s cheek, causing him to burst out into a massive grin - both flustered and proud.


	27. Chapter 27

Kylo sat in the cockpit of his command shuttle, eyes wrung with dark circles. His body was still getting used to all the travelling, and even though the rest of the soldiers on board were asleep, he stayed up, looking at the stars that whizzed past. Missions away from you were torture, especially when he only ever slept well if your warm body was cuddled up to his. 

He felt guilty, but eventually his need to hear your voice won out. He booted up the hyperwave comm scanner, dialling in the number of your room on the Finalizer. The line was silent for a while, until he heard you pick up.

“Hmph… Kylo?” You croaked at the other end.

“It’s me. Did I wake you?” He asked. He was a little sorry if he did, but hearing you was worth it.

“No. I’ve been trying for ages, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Me too.” He admitted, smiling tiredly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” He could hear your grin through the communications line. “How’s the-” you paused mid sentence to yawn “-mission going?”

“Slowly. But I want to talk about you.” He whined. You chuckled, knowing how much of a big baby he was when it came to you.

“What about me?”

“How was your day, what are you wearing? You know, the usual things.” He smirked.

“Ben Solo, are you really attempting to initiate phone sex with me?”

“Stop calling me that. And maybe I am. I need to take a load off after all this travel, my muscles ache baby.”

“Ughhh.” You groaned. “You know how I get when you call me baby.” He bit his lip, readjusting in his seat as he heard you shuffling around. “Let me just turn my hologram on.”

He blinked as the bright image of you appeared, dishevelled yet perfect as always. Kylo smiled brightly at your picture, undoing his pants.

“It’s like I never left.” He purred. “Now tell me about your day, I really want to know.”


	28. Chapter 28

You had started to pack your books into your bag, shuffling echoing across the room as the lecturer turned off his powerpoint. Upon instinct, your eyes darted backwards, chancing a glance at Kylo. It took all your willpower to keep your heart from leaping out to him, his hair dishevelled slightly as he stifled a yawn upon the back of his hand. His eyes were heavy, the effects of a three hour lecture weighing on his angular features. You tore your gaze away, shrugging your bag onto your shoulder.

How can someone look so perfect at such an early lecture? Kylo thought as he watched you pack your things. You always managed to sit two rows in front of him, and he was gloriously rewarded with an unobstructed view of the side of your face whenever you turned to make a comment to your friend. His thoughts often wondered away from the topic being discussed, instead focusing on the way you frowned if your friend started talking while you were invested in listening to the teacher. He particularly loved the little sigh you gave whenever the lecturer called break, resting your head on the desk in an uncomfortable fashion. But now was the best part of the day; when he’d see your expressionless (yet so unbelievably beautiful) face turn towards the door, and he’d soon follow as he was in the same class after this lecture. He saw your eyes suddenly dart up to where he was seated. Faking a yawn, he squeezed his eyes shut, praying that you hadn’t just caught him staring. But then the second fact in his mind prevailed more significantly than the first, and that was that you were looking at him.

Class had only just begun, and yet you found yourself wishing it was already over. Not only was the topic completely boring, but you were seated right next to Kylo. The combination of thrill and boredom mixed to create an overwhelmingly annoying emotion.

“Have you started the assignment yet?” Kylo’s voice whispered in your ear, his proximity becoming apparent. You turned to him, taking in his wide eyes. His large nose was practically caressing your cheek, his breath fanning against your face. 

“Yeah.” You uttered quickly, turning back to pretend to pay attention to the class.

“Me too. But I don’t understand the weird referencing guide.” He frowned, clicking his pen with his thumb.

“I do.” you said.

“Could you teach me how to use it?” he asked. “I’m a great listener.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” You jested, earning a dramatic scoff.

“And why’s that?” He poked your arm, the action sending an electric spark through the skin.

“I’ve seen how you doze off in the lectures.” You tittered.

“Mmm.” He hummed, leaning back in his chair. “But the only way you’d know that is if you watch me doze off. I may be a bad listener, but what does that make you?”

In love with you, you thought.

“Hyper-aware of my surroundings.” You relayed confidently. 

“Somehow I doubt that.” He jabbed back with a sly grin.

“And why’s that?” 

“You haven’t noticed the note I’ve written in the margin of your notebook.”

You raised a brow, glancing down to the word messily scribbled there.

Dinner?

Your heart hammered against your rib cage, but you were determined to look casual.

“What about dinner?” You crossed your arms.

“Don’t try that with me.” He pointed his pen to your face. “Your cheeks are red, (Y/n).” 

“W-well, your hands are shaking!” You shout-whispered, as the teacher passed. 

Kylo looked down at the pen that was wobbling in between his thumb and pointer finger.

“Maybe it’s because I like you. A lot.” He stuffed the pen in his jacket pocket.

You turned your attention to the board, taking notes.

“Maybe I like you too.” You spoke, trying to contain a wide smile while keeping your eyes on the front. “A lot.”

“So what’s your answer?” Kylo asked hopefully, fingering at the pen in his pocket nervously.

“Check your notebook.” You said, turning to face him with a triumphant smile.

On his page there was a tiny yes doodled inside the margin.


End file.
